The Riddled competition this week is for the best new lyrics for Carmina Burana, replacing "O Fortuna" with "Peripatus". Instead of the usual road-kill hotpot from Mrs Miggins, first prize is increased to a Bremen-Style Haggis, flown directly to the lucky winner so we can make a joke about "a knipp in the air".
This may seem extravagant but "hang the expense," sez we. It will be worth every shiny milk-bottle top if the lyrics reduce future occurrences of the unmelodic quandary arising so often at the Old Entomologist in the early hours, when the topers at half the tables are trying to sing "Peripatus" to the tune of Alouette, while the other half are all "Peri patus, peri patus, Velvet worm! Velvet worm!" to the tune of Frère Jacques.
"A quandary has horns like a dilemma, but otherwise resembles a dromedary," Another Kiwi helpfully vouchsafed.
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The Peripatus or Velvet worm or Onychophora is known for its ability to squirt twin streams of sticky mucus, which is the WORST SUPER-POWER EVAH if you happen to be bitten by a radioactive one. It uses the mucus to immobilise its victims before sucking out their digestive-saliva-liquified internals.
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Sadly, it has yet to feature in its very own creature-feature horror movie. In part this is the fault of the New Zealand Film Commission, where people are all risk-averse and arse-covery about funding scripts from the Riddled Amateur Dramatic Society. Also too, no-one is selling Sexy Peripatus Costumes for Hallowe'en so you'll have to make your own if you want to join our other competition. Send photographs to the judges, Open Mike and Swearing Bob. The judges' decision is (due to a spelling mistake) finial.
Here's a Peripatus I found yesterday.
![]( "Bluer than velvet was its skin")
This may seem extravagant but "hang the expense," sez we. It will be worth every shiny milk-bottle top if the lyrics reduce future occurrences of the unmelodic quandary arising so often at the Old Entomologist in the early hours, when the topers at half the tables are trying to sing "Peripatus" to the tune of Alouette, while the other half are all "Peri patus, peri patus, Velvet worm! Velvet worm!" to the tune of Frère Jacques.
"A quandary has horns like a dilemma, but otherwise resembles a dromedary," Another Kiwi helpfully vouchsafed.
The Peripatus or Velvet worm or Onychophora is known for its ability to squirt twin streams of sticky mucus, which is the WORST SUPER-POWER EVAH if you happen to be bitten by a radioactive one. It uses the mucus to immobilise its victims before sucking out their digestive-saliva-liquified internals.
Mouthparts: "What pinatas
look like in Hell"
look like in Hell"
Here's a Peripatus I found yesterday.
