Stalking Matilda, Stalking Matilda She took out a restraining order on me And I sang as I sat there Watching how the bunny boiled Who'll place a restraining order on me?

The Lazy-Arse Mockademic- Spam Blogging* will continue until morale improves:

"SciRes Literature" have ambition, a CamelCase name and a slogan and a logo stolen from student-debt-relief scammers, and they have recruited a White-House-worthy roster of Administrative Chiefs... including a jewelry designer, an Internet-Famous troll-blogger, and some person with an implausible hyphenated name.

If the last is young Sharlene of the Essex Carneys then it is good to see that she married into a better family than we could ever have expected.

Also a Rom-Com character as Chief Associate... it is tempting but also otiose to ask "Associate What?"

But they need to buck their ideas up if they want to expand out of the spare room of Apartment 121C... Can anyone see what they are doing wrong with these attempts to scrounge a paper about the Riddled Dream Machine out of us?

Anyone? Space-Time Eddie? No, Swearing Bob, you can put your hand down, the class is sufficiently familiar with your opinions and vocabulary. Stop flapping, Greenish Hugh, no-one is trying to force an opinion out of you, there is not enough gin in the First-Aid supplies for that. Ah, Louie Carthorse. Yes?

Louie is correct, to an extent... It is true that contrary to the tradition, the publishers were somehow unable to sign up Drs Blum or Badgaiyan onto the Editorial Boards of any of their journal-shaped toxic-waste dumps. But that is not a dispositive failing. Rather than tuft-hunting for recognised names, many parasitical publishers these days are recruiting their Editors and the organisers of their scamferences from the inhabitants of heavy planets, all flattened and squat by the high gravity of their home-worlds (with a few etoliated low-gravity visitors for the sake of diversity).

No... It is not enough to update the deadline in the annoying repetitive spam and spoof a new sending address (to evade simple domain-based spam blocking). That is where SciResLit stepped back on their own kumara. Best Industry Practice nowdays is to adopt a tone of increasingly passive-aggressive belligerence about the lack of response to previous harassment, working up towards a spammogram in which the image of a boiled bunny accompanies the title "LOOK WHAT YOU MADE US DO BY IGNORING US". Written in Comic Sans.

So here are "Stella Sun" (or Edith, or Eva, or Maggie) and "Dora Dong" (or Anne) and "Ms. Rikky Han", three poorly-disguised socktoplasmic pseudopods of the BIT travel-agency scampire. They have penciled me into their programs as Keynote Speaker and are more saddened than angered by the inconvenience I am causing with my inconsiderate failure to confirm.

In other restraining-order developments: the creepy surveillance strategy of "Academic Star" is not news. Along with fellow Chinese fraudsters"David Publishing", they have been claiming American nationality and offering friendship to the subjects of their scrutiny for over five years, acquiring the programs of (genuine) conferences for the purpose of stalking attendees. In that time they have not altered the wording of their spam... perhaps in the belief that We wish to become your friends if necessary is something that a human might write.


So all the cool kids are contributing to the gaiety of nations by pwning the parasitical publishers with joke submissions; this costs nothing, and reassures prospective customers of these scholarly jizzrags that (Yes indeed) they will soak up anything, so everyone benefits. Some would say that "Breaking the ice with buxom grapefruits" and "Mitochondria" are no stupider than the material they publish without pwnish provocation --
-- but I could not possibly comment. Anyway, your Riddled staff are feeling the peer-group pressure to get involved in the fun. Crowd-source the whole thing? Perhaps a conference presentation on "Somatotypes and the Editorial Personality: Adaptation to high- and low-gravity planets among parasitic conference organisers"? We are open to suggestions.

Parasite Conference OUTTAKE:
Until last year, 'Pulsus' was a niche publisher of Canadian specialist medical journals. But the proprietor wanted to retire, and in lieu of any other buyer he sold the concern to the OMICS griftdozer.
Pulsus was promptly gutted, re-stuffed and turned into a Conference Scam fuckpuppet, pimping dozens of freshly-minted mockademic pop-ups per month, such as the 22nd World Congress on Cognitive Behavioural Science and Therapy (there is no record of the earlier 21 prestigious congresses in the series). The same process of OMICS assimilation occurred to 'Allied Academies', previously a somewhat tawdry but obscure publisher, now a full-blast firehose of fraudulence with the same template of pox-parties that in terms of structure and content are unlikely to reach 1 on the Bristol Stool Scale.

These scabby little pop-ups often lack the frippery of a Program, which could be a sign of the new OMICS owners' need for the quick bucks, or it could be to save the attendees from the risk of being spammed by scamming chundermuffins. In fact, such is their haste, the grifters cannot even round up enough heavy-planet refugees to form Organising Committees.

Some of the people spending their own or their universities' dosh to attend these embarrassing events must be genuinely defrauded naïfs, but suckers alone would not provide enough of a money-stream to make the whole industry so attractive.